Well the last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster.
The 6 weeks holidays have never meant anything to me since leaving school...until now.
If you know me, you'll know i didn't go back to work after having Eva, and have got to do so much with her, things that if i had gone back to work i wouldn't of had the chance to do. As Eva keeps saying "mommy, we are best friends" and in a way that sums it up perfectly.
So all through this 6 weeks holiday i kept putting to the back of my mind, that actually it was only x amount of weeks left until Eva was going to be starting nursery school.
At her school they gradually settle them in, so it's been a confusing "faffy" couple of weeks. First we got a home visit, then the next week on the Tuesday an hour and a half visit with me there, and the Thursday an hour and a half on her own. This week she's done Monday and Wednesday, 12.45-3.15 and is going Friday too.
From next week she'll be doing 5 afternoons, then starting mid October she will be going 1 morning aswel.
Since last November Eva has done one afternoon a week at playgroup, but nothing prepared me for how I'd feel leading up to this September.
I kept pushing to the back of my mind that my baby girl was starting school. Every time i thought of it i felt physically sick.
Actually the dread and nerves in the lead up to her starting school have actually been worse then her actually going.
OK so so far I've not had chance to think about the fact shes not been here, so I'm sure next week it will hit me like a tonne of bricks.
But i can't be selfish, I've not once said I've missed her while shes been gone, but using phrases such as, I've been looking forward to coming to pick you up. If i was to say i miss her, then that would be it, she wouldn't want to go, as Ive made the mistake of saying that once before.
She comes out each time, with paintings, and pictures that shes drawn, or done gluing and sticking that shes done all by herself. To me, they are the most fantastic pieces of art I've ever seen in my life. She proudly writes her name on each picture as well. So although i miss her hugely, and my best friend has gone, i am filled with so much pride that i feel I'm going to burst. And the excitement in both our faces as i pick her up, the huge cuddle, and her telling me what she's done as we walk home is a feeling i cannot describe.
I also think it will do both her and jack good, within their relationship. 2 and a half hours a day Jack gets me all to himself. Something that he has never really had the privilege of. I can't wait to actually see him, spend time with him, sitting and watch him as he learns new things.
Eva getting to do what she wants, without her "annoying little brother" trying to snatch something off her, or copy her.
So all in all I think it will do us all good, especially Eva and Jack.
I've gone on long enough now, and if you've got this far, well done. Sometimes it's just nice to have somewhere to get things off your chest.